The Pause That Refreshes

Every now and then I like to stop and look at a goose. I'd stop and smell the roses but I don't have any roses.

Old Game Show Panelists I Really Miss

Steve Allen, Orson Bean, Kitty Carlisle, Peggy Cass, Arlene Francis, Dorothy Kilgallen, Jane Meadows, Henry Morgan, Bess Myerson, Betsy Palmer, Tom Poston, Bennett Cerf

Couch Potato

An inedible, biped vegetable with a tiny brain containing all the knowledge in the universe. Its habitats are dark interiors where television is readily available.

People Are Funny, Part II

If the year 1909 was called "nineteen-oh-nine" then why isn't the year 2009 called "twenty-oh-nine" instead of "two thousand nine"?

Cartoon Characters I'd Like to See Again

Clutch Cargo, Clyde Crashcup, Deputy Dawg, Dudley Do-Right, Huckleberry Hound, King Leonardo, Mr. Jinx, Mr. Magoo, Quick Draw McGraw, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Snagglepuss, Tom Terrific, Underdog

Wanted: Dead or Alive

Microsoft Corporation. For crimes against humanity. Including, but not limited to, arming worldwide crime syndicates and using zeroes and ones to enslave an entire planet.

Tailgater

A stupid, hostile, lead-footed driver in a hurry who has no respect for others and no regard for the safety of others, including anyone's passengers.

Two Lame Riddles for the Price of One

Q. What's a blue-collar worker's favorite time of day?

A. Miller Time

Q. What's a blue-collar worker's least favorite time of day?

A. Last Call

Top Five Symphony Orchestras

The Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra, the Philadelphia Orchestra, the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, the Cleveland Orchestra and the London Symphony Orchestra. In my humble opinion, that is.

Hail to the Chief

Congratulations and the best of luck to President Barack Obama on his Inauguration as the 44th President of the United States.

Revelation

The world is not black-and-white. It's in living color.

The Lamest Excuse for Bad Behavior

"What's the matter, can't you take a joke?"